May 2012
20 posts
Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
“I’m sorry that I’m both your umbrella and the rain.”
– Tablo (via beautilation)
yesiknowiamtall:
girl you a 14 on the pH scale cus you a basic bitch
Fuck Summer
Lake was too cold to swim
Had to hang out with bitches still in High School
Created a bonfire that got destroy because “it wasn’t centered”
Spent 30 minutes chopping wood and centering new fire
No one helped, just gabbed about stupid high school bullshit and got in my way
Thought I was smoking weed when I lit up a cig
Told me about how they would have jumped in on my...
“But most of all, stop thinking that what people so loathingly refer to as the...”
– Taylor Callobre, The “Good Guy” Myth (via albinwonderland)
It's My Pleasure...: The Top 6 Reasons Why You... →
sexxxisbeautiful:
TW for transphobia. cissexism, sexism, discussion of rape and victim blaming, and do I even need to keep going because if you need this many trigger warnings for just one man’s words then you know he’s a BIG problem.
forgetpolitics:
1. Dan Savage hates trans people and uses transphobic…
“The early 21st Century has not been allowed to develop a unique aesthetic...”
– Aaron Rose (via -bollockywankshite)
Two Steps to a Bikini-Ready Body
princessnaphthalene:
1. Look in the mirror and say “Bitch, I’m fabulous.”
2. Don bikini.
